THE CHANGE PLATE

Have you been to these bars where you hand over your money and they give you your change on a little silver plate? What is that meant to be about? They act like they've not had to provide change before so they think it needs some kind of presentation. We're both aware that money exists in this transaction - I've handed them a note, they've accepted it without question - it's no use pretending that money is something new, alien or somehow immoral now. You're already in the transaction up to your neck, my bartending friend.

I never found the receiving of change for a purchase an awkward situation until I went to one of these "change plate" places. Up to that point, I would pay the price as advertised for my chosen product, and I would expect, quite reasonably, I felt, to receive change as and when appropriate. But these guys, they've got a special little plate just for the job. That plate is not used for anything else but change. You couldn't serve a meal from it, it's too small. Maybe you could get a small roll on there, or possibly a couple of biscuits. Basically, without the change that plate would be redundant.

Do these places buy big sets of crockery when they set up shop - you know, there's the dinner plates, the soup bowls, the side order dishes - and they find all these little plates and don't know what to do with them? Is that why they're being used to serve us our change? Could they not find anything small enough to serve on that plate so they figure the transportation of four coins across the bar is a good use for it?

No matter how many times I get the change plate, I've never once been offered the payment plate. You know, they pass you a plate on which to give them the money for the drinks that you are purchasing. Maybe I need to hold out for that plate before I pay these people. Maybe that would be even more artificial and downright weird for everyone involved.