THE PRISON FASHION

You never see a pledge drive for prison uniforms the same way you do for local school football teams. The lawbreakers seem to have their funding sorted out. It's like they robbed a bank or something.

Who is designing these outfits? The arrows? The use of bright orange? The blue shirt over white t-shirt?

I like the arrows. You’d know you were in a prison if you got the pyjamas with the arrows all over them, wouldn't you? And those arrows point in every single direction. It's like saying "I broke the law and I am very, very confused about where my life is going. I'm directionless."

Not so sure about the bright orange. They favour this in the American chain gangs, I think. The one good thing you can say for those outfits is that they come with a pocket to store a harmonica.

There's always some guy on that chain gang playing harmonica, isn't there? They take away your worldly possessions when you go into prison but you still get to keep the mouth organ. This is how the American penal system works, as I understand it.

The shirt over the white t-shirt isn't doing a lot for me, to be fair. Sometimes it's a blue shirt, sometimes it's orange. It seems kind of casual. It's like "dress down day" at prison when you see that.

No, for me it has to be the suit with the arrows. That's my choice. Being covered in all those arrows, I'd feel I was carrying on the healthy tradition of lawbreaking that harks back to Robin Hood.