THE EATS

You know what's eating me? The fact that I don't have nearly enough friends who are cannibals.

The pig gets a sweet, sweet deal when it comes to the dinner table. You've got your ham, your pork, your bacon rashers. The pig has really clogged up the dictionary with terms for eating it, in much the same way as it clogs up the arteries.

Br'er chicken, he doesn't get such a good option. When you eat chicken, it's chicken. No matter what you do to it, it's still chicken. It has breasts, legs, thighs, but it's all called chicken. You can turn it into nuggets or goujons, you can roast it, you can curry it, but no matter what you do it's still clinging to that chicken appellation by its little chicken claws.

So, back to my original point here, what do the cannibals call human? Do they have plenty of different names for it? Does human get the bacon-ham-pork treatment, the silver service, as it were? Or is human at the same level as chicken, where no one put much thought into what they were going to call it when it was on the plate?

"Awww, mum! Human? Again?!"

"Now dear, it's grilled human today. Special."