THE WHISPERED

You have to wonder about the spy network. They have all this security and yet they still stamp "Top Secret" in red on the front of their documents. Doesn't it go without saying by now? Isn't it standard practice that anything involving national security is, by and large, going to need to be kept secret? Don't they teach this on the first Monday morning briefing when you join MI5? Is the "Top Secret" thing there just in case an agent forgets?

And why is it "Top" secret? What is with this hierarchy of secrecy? Isn't information either "To be kept secret" or "Not to be kept secret"? It's just two piles there, surely. "Secret" really has it covered, for me.

I like the "Eyes only" stamp you see on spy papers sometimes. That's a good one. That's there to make sure none of the blind enemy spies try finding brail in that document.

I think that once it does fall into enemy hands, the "Secret" stamp doesn't really hold much weight. For one thing, those people are trying to find out our secrets, so if you highlight that this folder is full of them they're going to be pretty gosh darn interested. Secondly, the "Top Secret" stamp's printed in English. Come on, these spies are foreign - you can’t expect these people to follow simple instructions unless they're in Russian, French or... well, who are we at war with just now? Why can’t we all just get along?