THE KIPPER CONUNDRUM

What is with the first class/second class distinction in the postal service? How can the second class post be slower?

Do they have, like, 1,000 speedy vans taking the first class post all over the country and then there's a fleet of tired donkeys for the second class stuff? Is this how it works? Because, if I'm sending a letter to the other side of town, they'd have to go out of their way to actually make the second class letter arrive a day later. Come on, guys - the speedy van's going there anyway, my letter weighs 30 grams. Just put it in with all the others. Why are you using the donkey? Don’t use the donkey, come on. He's not eaten, his straw hat has a hole in it - let the guy rest, use the speedy van. It's not so urgent that I'm choosing first class, okay, but I still took the time to write the letter. Doesn't that tell you something? If it was unimportant I wouldn't have bothered. Really, they were repeating Columbo on TV - my writing a letter could easily have been skipped in favour of that.

The names they give these services aren't very well thought out anyway. I mean, first class? That's the class where you meet your fellow students, get introduced to the teacher, you leave with a copy of the syllabus and a reading list. It's the second class where you start actually learning stuff. Second class is where the value is, people. First class, that's just finding the room and getting a seat - what kind of perverted world are you living in where you think that that is superior to the second class?

This is the reason I don't use Special Delivery. We had special classes in my school - they weren't significantly faster than the other classes, let me assure you. In fact, they were quite a ways behind the other classes, if I'm honest. If you're using Special Delivery there's a good likelihood that just figuring out how to get the stamps to stay on the envelope is taking up most of your morning.