THE HORROR SHOW

Have you noticed how well dressed the movie maniacs are?

Dracula turns up at your house, he's got the puffy shirt, the formal jacket, his shoes have clearly been polished before he left the castle - he's very debonair. Frankenstein's Monster has the dark jacket and matching trousers. He's eight feet tall, ugly as sin, and yet he's gone to a lot of effort to buy a nice suit that fits well across the shoulders. Sure, his hands don't match each other, but so long as the jacket matches the trousers he can pull off that look.

The rest of the world could be going to Hell in a hand basket - and, in these films, it frequently is - these monsters would still be dressed to the nines. Even the brain-eating zombies are wearing suits and ties, despite them often being covered in the blood of the family pet they just chowed down on. They're all making a genuine effort with their appearance here.

Then you look at the typical victim in these films, it's some girl wearing a negligee that's too tight, she's got heavy make-up on to sleep in. Dracula appears at her door with his hair slicked down with brylcreme and he's wearing the cape he just got back from the dry-cleaners and his date thinks that this is an appropriate way for her to dress?! It's no wonder he getting so angry with these women.

Even the modern monsters are trying their darnedest. Freddy Krueger may be a psychopathic child killer, he still wears a hat when he's on the street. You just can't beat old-fashioned values like that.