THE PARENTAL LOVE

In today's news, diabetic six year old Rupert Knell was asked to withdraw from Sunninghill Preparatory School in Dorchester after staff felt they couldn't take care of his condition without additional help. Rupert's parents, Peter and Kai proceeded to sue the school claiming it has breached the Disability Discrimination Act.

Now, I've got to hand it to Rupert - those are some tough parents you've got there. I mean, diabetes, left untreated, can leave a person chronically tired, blind or, in the worst cases, dead. Really, at six years old, you'd probably appreciate someone keeping an eye on you. But not Rupert's parents. "The Hell with the boy's safety," they've said, "he's going to the school and that's that."

What is Christmas like in the Knell household?

"Gee, Dad - you got me a fish tank full of fish."

"Not just any fish, son - those are man-eating piranhas. They can strip a cow down to the bones in three minutes flat."

"Kewl! How do I feed them, Dad?

"With your hands, son."

"Blu-blu-blu... You said they were man-eating..."

"Just put your hand in the tank, Rupert. We paid for them, damnit. They don't eat you if you paid for them. That's how the system works."