THE ANNA-LANA-FONTANA

I like the Valentine's card, always have. It's the one time of the year where you can say whatever you want and you don't have to put your name to it. In fact, it's actively encouraged that you not sign your name; that is the preferred option.

It's like being a witness at a Mob trial. You're on the video link, they've disguised your voice, you're only seen in silhouette. Whether they get a conviction or not, you're out of the woods, you're Scot free. Nobody can trace anything back to you.

Basically, Valentine's cards are a huge witness protection program run by Hallmark.

Of course, sometimes the whole thing backfires, someone snitches on you and suddenly your Valentine's father is chasing after you with a shotgun. I guess it's true what they say - nobody messes with the family.