THE NEW LIBERAL DEMOCRAT LEADER

Mayor McCheese seems like a strange candidate for political office. For one thing, he's got a cheeseburger for a head. It's difficult not to have noticed that. Must make it hard when he's entertaining diplomats over a buffet - one moment he's explaining the public transport system of McDonaldsland, next thing he knows they're trying to take a bite out of his face. No one wants that to see that newspaper headline: "Mayor's face bitten off by visiting ambassador".

Did McCheese have to win a mayoral election to become mayor? Surely he must have. I don't see McDonaldsland as one of those junk-food-producing-country dictatorships. Burger King, clearly, has the reigning monarch - he's the king, it's a monarchy, hank-yuh-ve'y-musch. I figure Wendy is lording it up over the Wendyslandians ("Wendyslandians" sounds wrong - maybe, following the example of France, the race is called the Wench... no, that can't be right). But I see McDonaldsland as a democracy, basically because they have a clown as their mascot.

Dictatorship regimes aren't very big on the comedy symbols, I've noticed. Funny moustaches are a popular choice for dictators, but rarely do they have a comedy device as their international symbol. There was no whoopee cushion on the flag of the Third Reich.

I'd like to know who McCheese stood against in that election. It's tough to envisage many situations where a cheeseburger-headed man can win the voters' support. Who were the other candidates? Was it just some cooking oil and a box of artificial flavourings representing the other parties? What was McCheese's campaign slogan? Vote for McCheese, Edam sure will get the job done?!

Then again, does Mayor McCheese have a first name? I don't remember hearing one anywhere. Perhaps he's not the mayor at all. Maybe "Mayor" is his first name. Like Judge Reinhold.