MY FINANCIAL INSECURITY

I have money worries. I am living in a constant state of panic. I'm on edge, I'm shaking, I'm permanently concerned about my finances.

It is tremendously easy to borrow money these days. Every single day the newspapers are full of stories of credit card insanity, people borrowing money far beyond their means. We are actively encouraged by television advertising to borrow money to pay for a holiday we couldn't afford - go on, you haven't earned a break!

There are a wealth of TV programmes about people trying to curb their spending, financial consultants telling people to socialise less, to save more. There are even companies that are solely dedicated to loaning you money so that you can pay back the mess of other loans that you've already amassed.

However, none of this comes close to my problem. My problem is that I'm spending the money I have earned, not on a sixtieth pair of shoes, a holiday I don't deserve or some crazy shin-dig at a fancy club. No, I'm paying phone bills, travel expenses and magazine subscriptions, and I'm paying them all... on pre-pay.

Is there anything more stressful than the feeling you get with paying for stuff on pre-pay? You have twenty pounds on a travel card... what if it gets stolen or you lose it? These are future journeys you've already committed to. You have to use them. You must travel.

And the pre-pay phone - I'm never sure how long I should leave it before topping up the money available. I'm calling the advice number, getting the automatic text message. I have £3 left, I have £2 left, I've got £1.83... it's very tense. It's like those Wimbledon evening matches where they keep checking the skies to judge if it's light enough to continue playing. What happens if I have £2 worth of conversation when all I have on the phone is that £1.83? Should I top it up now? Or do I leave it, wait until I really, really need it?

The magazine subscription is the worst. You can’t remember what month it started, was it four weeks ago I got the last copy or was it five? Is there an issue out in the shops yet? Has my sub run out? They'd tell me, wouldn’t they?

I need to get back to the genuine pay-as-you-go world I used to inhabit as a child. I'd like three sweets, two comics and an ice pop - that's 70 pence. I'll pay for these items I have in my hand now, using money that I have with me here. I never once gave the owner of the corner shop all my pocket money in case I might want some sweets later in the week.

Pre-pay is being in debt to the future.