THE ROMANCE OF CRIME

This week in the news, the Independent School Meals Review Panel are proposing a crackdown on unhealthy packed lunches for British school children. The panel suggests that children's packed lunches be searched and that parents are told what they can and cannot put in their children's lunches. You'll note that is "told", not "advised". Part of the acceptable packed lunch list includes two portions of vegetables and one piece of fruit every day.

I can’t wait to see how this is enforced. I suggest prison. A custodial sentence to any parent who puts inappropriate foodstuffs in their child's packed lunch. Crisps, chocolate, stuff that children like and might actually eat. Let's ban any product that includes sugar that might give a child energy. Stick all these parents in prison.

Actually, why err on the side of caution? Let’s just put all parents in prison with the exception of those who don't actually feed their children (since they are, effectively, not part of the obesity problem).

Isn't that what you want to go to prison for? Providing a nutritionally unbalanced packed lunch for your child? Krusty has a mouth full of crisps as he asks you this question, you'll be reassured to know.