REAP THE GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE

Who are the news people trying to kid with the reporting of foreign elections? I'm all for nurturing an awareness of the global perspective, but does anyone really care about the build-up to an election in some out of the way South American country that we've never even traded coffee beans with? The results could go either way. It's neck and neck. One party leader has been campaigning in rural areas that I've never heard of. There are even some suggestions of ballot rigging.

This isn't news. This is gossip. And, what's more, it's gossip about things that nobody's interested in. Even the people involved probably don't care very much. Just let it go.

By all means tell us the results - point out what this could mean for neighbouring countries, sure. But the rest - well, that's not even news. It's the opposite of news, my friends. It is non-news.

Maybe they could split the news up in the same way book shops do it - fiction and non-fiction. You'd get the news, then you'd get all that other stuff that we all know isn't really news at all.

Sports can sit comfortably in the non-news section. Teams met at the pre-arranged fixture at a pre-arranged time and one of them won and one of them lost - no real surprises here, I'm afraid. Nothing newsworthy. You could also throw in all those royal engagements - the Queen went here, opened this baby unit, got a commemorative tea towel - it was a nice day for all concerned. But it just wasn't news, buckaroo. And coming up later in the non-news... any item of local news too irrelevant to make a dent on the national headlines.

Once we have that clear delineation, we can all sit down, have a chat about the non-news - it'll be a nonversation