THE FIFTY THIRD MAN

"Join the world's biggest online poker game," hails the advert currently doing the rounds in newspapers and on billboards and the tube. This sounds pretty impressive, until you think about it. Because the world's biggest online poker game can still only accommodate maybe five or six players - after that, there aren't really enough cards to make it worth playing.

There has to come a point where you close the table in poker. If you had 20 players, you'd end up playing something like "Hole in the head", that game where you hold a card to your forehead for your opponents to see, leaving you effectively betting against your own hand blind.

If they get more than 52 players on that online game you'd really have to start checking your cards closely...

"I got two aces!"

"I got two kings!"

"I got a dinosaur top trump card and an optician's business card!"

"I got a hand of Tarot cards and, if I've read them right, I don't think I'm going to still be alive to collect my winnings!"

"I got a rock!"

You can only really hope that the advertising is a dismal failure, otherwise this influx of new players will ruin it for everyone. Unless the online poker game is maybe some game with a poker. Like, stoke the fire for a while, keep the room nice and toasty for everyone. Yeah, that's a game. Sure, why not?