THE Hr = $ EQUATION

They say time is money, but, if that's true, why can't you pay for stuff at the supermarket with hours? "It's okay, I slept through these - you can have them, I didn't really use them." If you're just buying a small item, like a packet of gum from the display by the till, you could hand over a few seconds, maybe a minute.

When the landlord calls "Time, gentlemen" it would be the point of the evening where you settled the bill. "You had three pints of beer and a glass of wine at this table. That's four hours, fifteen, please."

It strikes me that medical science is discovering ways to make people live longer with every generation. That's kind of like having one of those unsecured loans you see advertised on TV. You're spending time you haven't really earned yet and, chances are, you’re going to struggle keeping up the repayments. You'll turn round one day to find that you have the physique of an 18 year old but you're too senile to remember your own name.

And when you finally die, and you're standing before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, begging for just one more day on Earth to get your affairs in order - I guess that's when you find out whether your credit's any good.