THE CELEBRITY EDUCATION

The honorary degree is a great big slap in the face for a celebrity, isn't it? Pretty much, what that university is saying is "We really like your work as an actor but, let's face it, you're not really doctor material, are you?"

How do they decide these things? Do all the professors sit around a table naming stupid boxers, dimwit actresses and moronic game show hosts until they settle on one who fits the criteria of being both someone that they all like and someone who is clearly not smart enough to get a degree through their own efforts?

I guess that the honorary degree holder is given a certificate, too. What do they write on that? "We have all agreed that there is no chance whatsoever of you actually earning a degree through your intelligence. Signed, the Faculty Staff. PS - no, really - even if you copied from a smart kid you would have to fluke your finals to stand even the slightest chance of getting a Third. And we honestly don't see that happening."

Do honorary degrees have a grade on them? I mean, is it like "We're giving you a degree, but you're not getting a distinction." And why do some people get the doctorate, while others only get the basic Bachelor of Arts or Science? What is the hierarchy there? You're giving a doctorate in nuclear physics to a retired wrestler, but you think the actor would find more use for a BSc in Civil Engineering?

Can you put the honorary degree on your CV? Is this considered to be one of your educational qualifications? There doesn't seem to be much use for it otherwise. It's not like if the pilot keels over on your aircraft there's a celebrity rushing through from first class shouting "Out of my way, I have an honorary medical degree from Trent. This man isn't going to die today."