THE THREE MINUTE COMMERCIAL BREAK OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY

Those public service adverts are a waste of everyone's time, I think.

You can show me the dangers of smoking, tell me how wrong it is to drink and drive, graphically display what happens if I sit out in the sun too long. And you can do all of these things for my own good. But, if you do it within the three minute commercial break you have zero chance of making me take any notice.

Because, during those three minutes I am in "advert mode" - my defences are up, the portcullis is down, nothing is coming over the wall and anything that crosses the moat is going to get a face full of boiling acid.

If it says "new and improved" I know it means more expensive and doesn't clean my bath like the old spray.

If it says "now tastes better than ever" I know it tastes like road tar.

If it says "no one beats us on price" it means they're the only shop that stocks it.

"Can't buy cheaper"? I can.

"We listened to our customers"? They didn't.

"Best value guaranteed"? Only available in industrial sized portion.

If I see only one movie this year it won't be yours. If I don't know what driving is until I've been in your car I'm happy to stay blissfully ignorant. If you can't believe it's not butter I flatly deny your belief system and all that it represents.

In short, whatever it is you're selling - I'm not buying.

So, putting out the message that drink driving is wrong when I'm in that frame of mind... what do you expect to happen, huh? Rocket scientists and brain surgeons need not reply.