THE SHAMBLING MOVEMENTS

Can you actually believe they had to pass a law to stop people using mobile phones while driving? I mean, have you ever seen people just trying to walk while they're engaged in a conversation on a cell phone? They're going very slowly, they can't seem to change direction with any degree of accuracy. I have seen zombies with more control of their movements than these people. If they're part of a crowd, other people are having to skirt around them the way you would an angry, rabid dog.

And yet, some people still think they can drive while using these things? Wake up, people. They're not called "mobile" phones because you have to be moving to use them. They're not run by kinetic energy. There's no dynamo inside them.

If that mobile phone of yours rings the first thing you need to do is pull over to the side of the road, whether you're in a car or just on foot. If it helps you any, try calling it a "stationary phone" in your head.

Just one of Krusty's top tips, friend.