Thursday, June 29, 2006

THE BUFFY

Vampires aren’t very excitable, are they? They breeze through unlife, generally trying to avoid the shocks. So many things can hurt vampires - your garlic, your stake through the heart, your beheading and sunlight - but they overcompensate by not having fun with anything much.

I think the problem isn't the vampires, I think it's the phraseology of fun. It kind of excludes vampires.

When advertisers talk about a new rollercoaster they call it "a white knuckle ride". What's white knuckles to a vampire? He's already pale, he's not going to notice the white knuckles, really, he's not.

"This'll get your blood pumping!" we're told when something is guaranteed, shoo-in excitement. Vampires don't get so much of the blood pumping. The only blood pumping they're interested in is the blood of their victims.

This is why it's so tough being friends with a vampire. I mean, how would you get your pal excited about stuff? That's why Count Dracula's only friend was Zoltan, his faithful dog. He must be cross about that.

No, wait... Note to self: vampires also not so good with the crosses...

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