THE CROUCHING TIGER

Hair loss is a big concern for men, there's no point denying it. You can pick up any newspaper and find an advert for hair replacement of one type or another.

And they always have that before and after photo in those ads. The "before" is always the same old story - the guy is bowing down, displaying his lack of hair for the camera. It's thinning, it's patchy, maybe it's almost all gone. Oh yeah, this guy is the first to tell you that it has started raining when you're out .

It's the "after" picture that really gets to me, though. I mean, the "before" - getting old, going bald - that's natural, I expect to see that on a guy. You may not be happy with your lot in life, Before Guy, but it's pretty much inevitable, chum.

But the "after"? Wow, those people sure get hair. Nobody ever seems to grow "some" hair - it’s always 1970s footballer hair, glam rock hair. It's not just hair, it's HAIR!

One minute they're Lex Luthor, next they're son of the Wolfman. Blofeld - Lassie. Cueball - the vampire Lestat. Hidden dragon - crouching tiger.

What is going on at these clinics?

"The treatment seems to be working, Mr Jones. Was there something specific you'd like?"

"Pile it on, baby. I've been going bald since I was 15. I'll tell you when!"