THE WHACKED OUT BIRTH

Life begins at 40. Have you heard this?

Life begins at 40. That's 39 years of your life wasted right at the start there. 39 years, 364 days you're sat around, just waiting for your life to get going. "C'mon, let's get started already. I've been here hours." Sorry, it doesn't begin until you're 40. Until you reach that benchmark, really, you're just cooling your heels, chum.

It had to be someone pretty old and bitter that came up with that phrase. Life begins at 40? No, really, that's the middle ground you've reached when you're 40. There's no beginning then, my friend. Failing eyesight, hearing loss and going bald are the things that begin at 40. Back strain, muscle cramps. Not understanding modern music. These are all things that kick in at the 40 part of life.

No one's life begins at 40 unless they've been in a coma for 39 years. The idea that life begins at 40 - that's a youthemism.