MY SIDESHOW PLEDGE DRIVE

What is the deal with charities thanking the sponsors? When did this start? Did I miss a meeting?

Isn't the whole point of charity, surely, that they need the cash more than we do? I've got some spare change, some free time, a little something to give. This is not a tax. I'm quite happy to do my run, or walk or dress inappropriately for work and then I pay the charity of my choice so that I feel less guilt about the plight of the world - or usually smugly satisfied that whilst I'm not actually doing anything constructive about it myself, I've played a small part in making the world a better place. Ah!

So I don't need a letter telling me this.

I especially don't need a poster from Blue Peter with three grinning young people and a speech bubble saying, "Thank YOU!"

And, you're not telling me they posed specifically for that shot are you? In all honesty, are we even pretending that the Blue Peter presenters have the time or inclination to pose for charity posters when there are spaceships to be made from plastic bottles and ridiculous stunts to be performed somewhere near Leeds.

It is the natural state of being for a Blue Peter presenter to be smiling like it's Christmas morning and this year they know they've got a new bike. They can't help it. Maybe they're getting some... Erm... artificial help for this state of mind, who can say?

The picture I'm waiting for, the picture I'll send them a thank you letter for is the stern photo. The one that says, "I'm disappointed in you. You've let Blue Peter down, you've let the children down... But most of all, you've let yourself down..."

Today's Klown College speech was provided by Sideshow Ivanskavinski, in between other assignments. That man's a workaholic. Eurgh!