THE CHILD'S RATE

What is with the child's fare? How come they're paying less than I am to go anywhere? The Mayor of London is introducing free transport for the under 16s, what's that about?

It seems to me that it's the grown-ups who need to get to places. When you're young you're full of energy and you've got nowhere to go. You're just wandering around aimlessly, bumping into stuff and eating toxic sweets. When you're a kid you can run across town without a second thought. It's once you're out of school that you need to get to places in a hurry and you don't have the energy to walk it.

It's no wonder everyone's so obsessed with these obese children. Make them pay double fare on the buses - see how many obese children you can rustle up after that initiative.