THE FRAME RATE MADNESS

Captain Kirk and crew met a lot of alien races that were obsessed with games. It seemed to me that every other week they'd be in the thrall of the Game Masters of Andromeda of the Game Players of Titan and the Starship Enterprise would be locked in orbit until they figured out a way to defeat the latest game.

When I was younger this all seemed fantastically cool on the part of Captain Kirk. No matter what game you threw at him he could always figure out the way to win, to throw the whole thing in the alien's face. And so the Enterprise would go free to have another fly around before getting picked up by the Dice Thrower of Rigel IV.

Looking back, however, you have to wonder what was going on there. Captain Kirk has a crew of trained, naval minds aboard, his right hand man is the most logical being in the universe and he's got a starship with enough speed and firepower to theoretically handle any situation. Yet, some alien kid with a playstation can trap the Enterprise for 40 minutes just because it's flying past? That doesn't inspire me with confidence in mankind's space exploration programme.

"For goodness sake, Cap'n, it's an alien child with an xbox. And we cannae get outta the grip o' its power ray!"