NEWS FROM THE FRONT

Did you ever think that people who park their car in their front gardens are just desperate to move? There'll be no walking to where they parked for these people - as soon as they get out the front door they are out of there. They don't want to spend a single second longer near to their house than they absolutely have to. Out the door and - zoom - they're away down the street.

At what point did people start weighing up between a grassy front lawn or the back exhaust of their cars as a possible view out of their front window? And how did the car win?

The ones that really get me are the people who park a caravan in their front garden. These people are clearly desperate to get out of the house, but I guess they still like the area. You know how tempting it must be to go out the front door and just sit in the caravan for a while. You just know these people are doing that. It's irresistible. It's a little home away from home with the seats that become beds, the miniature fridge and cooker, the chemical toilet that you have to edge into sideways - who wouldn't want to spend some time in that?