TORICAL

"What would you like to listen to today?" - BBC radio advertising campaign slogan.

It seems that advertising is heading down the same route as greetings cards, where they are "left blank for your own message". Am I supposed to answer the questions posed? Is that how this is supposed to work?

"What do you want to watch?" - current Sky TV advertising slogan.

If you're so interested in what I want to watch, Sky TV, why don't you come over and choose something from my DVD shelf? No? I guess you're too busy running a TV station. Which is really the important thing - it shouldn't matter what I want to watch, what should matter is what YOU are showing. Tell me that, give me some clues - stop plastering London's billboards with pretty photos from under the sea and fill that space with pictures of what you have to offer - new Simpsons, some Star Trek franchise, whatever. Thanks.

As we enter the digital revolution, broadcasters are getting jumpy. They're all scared we're about to turn over, watch something else. So they try not to commit to being any one thing. The catchphrase right now is "TV-on-demand". The dream is that a broadcaster can pipe anything you want, any time you want it, straight to your goggle box.

So, "What do you want to watch?" Doesn't this remind you of when people at school would say "I'll be your best friend"? They didn't really know how to stay friends with anyone, so they'd just say "here, take my toys, steal my money, eat my sweets, burn my house down - just so long as you will be my friend."

Maybe Sky should start advertising "We can do anything you like, I don't care - just so long as you'll stay a while."

Forget TV-on-demand. Let's go back to the iron-rule-dictatorship style of broadcasting and make people work a little for their entertainment. That show you wanted to see was on last Tuesday at 8 pm. What? You missed it? Yeah, well hard luck, pal. Commit yourself or don't bother because we're NOT repeating it on another channel in ten minutes time or later in the month. You've missed it. And there's no chance of a DVD release so don't even ask, okay?